Why you should never put all your eggs in one basket...

Hey there,

It’s a common question I get asked by almost every single one of my students…

“Joe, there’s this one girl I really like.  How do I get her?”

And my answer is always the same…

“You don’t.”

Now, that might seem a bit pessimistic.  After all, why can’t we go after the girl we want?

Short answer:  You CAN go after the girl you want, and its possible you can GET the girl you want.  But that doesn’t necessarily mean you should put ALL YOUR EFFORT into going after the girl you want.

See, dating really comes down to a numbers game.  And when you limit yourself to one particular girl, you’re actually HURTING your chances of getting the right girl for you.

(The reason being that “one special girl” you like so much might not be the girl you should be going after.)

So when I hear that question about the “one special girl,” I get worried.

Here’s what you SHOULD be doing to not only increase your chances with that girl you like so much, but also ensure that if it doesn’t work out with her, you’re not completely out of luck…

This is a technique I learned the hard way.

See, I used to be the type of guy who’d find a girl, fall madly in love with her, and focus all my efforts on trying to “woo” her to me.

I’d try to be her friend, I’d try to come off as “non threatening,” and I was very careful to try not to scare her off…

In short:  I did everything you’re not supposed to do.

Understand – guys who place ALL their efforts on ONE GIRL will almost always FAIL, because they don’t have any options!

Back when I was a “desperate chump,” I placed so much importance on that “one special girl,” that not only did I get all bent-out-of-shape when things didn’t go right, but I also IGNORED many opportunities with other women because I wasn’t paying attention.

See, when it comes to “one girl,” you have to deal with the fact that:

1. You might not be her type.
2. She might be in a relationship with someone else already.
3. She may not be looking to get involved with anyone romantically.
4. She might just see you as “a friend.”
5. She may be too busy for a relationship at the moment

There are just any number of things that could prevent ONE GIRL from wanting to be with you, and you can’t deal with all of them.

However, when you’re dating multiple girls, you have OPTIONS, and that gives you a great deal of power!

When you’re seeing many different girls, if one doesn’t work out, guess what?  You just move on to another.  Because you’re not totally invested in any ONE girl, even if you get rejected, or she’s too busy/flaky, etc., you don’t have to worry about not having someone else to fall back on.

Having more than just one choice when it comes to women is the BEST thing for keeping your confidence high, and ensuring that you end up with something, instead of nothing.

And keep in mind - these aren’t girls you “settle” for.  Each woman you see should be a girl you actually like and find attractive!

But the best part is, you can STILL try and attract that “one special girl” while you’re dating other girls.

In fact, it actually HELPS you with that special chick you have your heart set on!!!

How?

Simple.  First of all, if the girl is too busy or flaky, you have other options, so you’re not constantly waiting around for her to show you some attention.

Second, she’s not as important to you since you have other options, so its easier to take chances and treat her in a way most other guys don’t.  A.K.A. a bratty little girl!!!

Third, having other women around you and dating you will make you more attractive to that girl you like.  This may sound “counter-intuitive,” but its true.  The social proof of other girls finding you attractive will make that “one special girl” take more notice of you.

So here’s what you need to do…

Start meeting AS MANY GIRLS AS YOU CAN.  The more girls you meet, the more of them you can start dating.  In my course, The Art Of Approaching, I show you how to easily start meeting lots of girls really quickly.

Check it out for yourself here!

Then, start flirting and trying to attract these women, along with that particular girl you want.

I show you EXACTLY how to build attraction and flirt with girls in the course.  It’s fun, and much easier than you think!

And keep working on that girl you like, while still juggling all the OTHER girls.  Eventually, she’ll come around.

But if you REALLY want to know more about building attraction with women, then check out my Renegade Rapport course.  It’s all about how any man can instantly create powerful, emotional connections with girls and get them super-attracted to you fast!

Discover these attraction secrets here!

Remember – always keep your options open!  Play the numbers, and eventually, you’ll find an amazing girl who’s totally into you, and you don’t have to “pine” after her.

In a recent survey by Lifestyles.com, they asked women what turned them on when it came to men.  Their answers were broken down into five of the most popular categories:

1.  Looks
2.  Sense of humor
3.  Intelligence
4.  Faith
5.  Politics

Now, I’ve always been a big believer that when it comes to attracting women, LOOKS DON’T MATTER.

Or, more specifically, looks don’t matter as much as most guys THINK they do.

If you look at that list above, 4 out of 5 of those “Top Attraction Triggers” are things that are non-pysical.

So the “non-pysical” stuff outweighs the Looks stuff by a ratio of 4:1!!!

What’s that mean?  Exactly what I said before:  Looks don’t matter as much as you think they do!

So let’s talk about how you can REALLY attract a woman, no matter what you look like…

First of all, I like to think of “Confidence” encompassing both “Sense of Humor” and “Intelligence.”  So being confident around women means being funny, relaxed, intellectual, and a good conversationalist.  Someone whom others have a good time around!  I’ve always stated that if a woman can have fun with you, she will sleep with you!  And the best part is – being funny and intelligent is something any man can achieve!  So this can very quickly level the playing field if you’re not exactly a male model.

When it comes to “faith” and “politics,” I’ve found those are usually factors that come into play AFTER initial attraction has been established.

For instance, if the girl is into you, and she’s thinking about getting involved with you, then she’ll start to wonder:  Do we share the same faith?  Do we share the same beliefs?  Etc.

Either that, or the opposite is true – women who put a very high importance on Faith or Politics will usually seek out men who agree with their views first, and then decide whether or not to be attracted to them.

But no matter what, this all boils down to how you present yourself to other people, and what YOU want in a woman.  If you don’t mind being with a woman who’s of a different faith or political belief system, then this shouldn’t prevent you from going after the women you want.  However, keep in mind this type of thing could play a BIG role later if you’re thinking about getting into a serious relationship with the girl in question.

A funny thing about this survey, however, is that when women broke down what they find physically attractive in a man, you’d be surprised what they look at and in what order.

So according to Lifestyle.com, women tend to look at the following physical traits in this order of importance:

1. Eyes
2. Hair
3. Butt
4. Back & Shoulders
5.  Legs

Notice nowhere on there is “Arms” or “Chest” or “Calves.”

In fact, the most common thing I’ve personally found that women look for are “eyes” and “smile.”  If you have friendly eyes and a nice smile, that’s usually enough for most women physically.

But the point here is this…

You never know WHAT a woman finds attractive in a man until you approach her and discover it for yourself.

I’m always amazed when I meet a pretty girl, and I’m thinking “There’s no way she’d be interested in a fat, bald guy like me.”  And then, once I use my techniques to flirt with her and have some fun…

She’s totally into me!

Every woman is different, and most women respond more to how you make them FEEL than what you look like.

In my course, The Art Of Approaching, I teach you everything you need to know to be an attractive man and get women to want to be with you.

I’ll show you how to overcome any “looks” obstacles you might have, and meet girls without fear – and get them too!

Check it out for yourself here!

When you know the secrets of how to meet and talk to women, it almost doesn’t matter what you look like.  You can get pretty girls attracted to you with almost no effort.

And if you REALLY want to get good at it, be sure to check out my course Pure Personality, where I share the secrets of how to get any woman, no matter what you look like!

Check out Pure Personality here!

Seriously, you need to experience these results for yourself to believe how effective they can be.

So don’t wait, check them out now!

Hey there,

Do you have problems talking to pretty girls because you think they’re “out of your league?”

Do you see a pretty woman and immediately “clam up” and are afraid to talk to her?

Are you worried that women will reject you, and you have no idea how to overcome that horrible feeling and start meeting the type of women you deserve?

If that’s the case, then you might be making a BIG MISTAKE most guys make when it comes to women – putting them up on pedestals!  But luckily, this type of thing can be easily fixed, IF you know the right tricks to level the playing field with beautiful women.

So let’s talk about how, exactly, you can overcome this…Today’s question comes from a guy who goes by the handle “Legendary.”  And it has to do with how to stop putting attractive girls up on a pedestal.

Legendary writes:

I’ve always met girls through my social circle, so I’ve been going out alot lately to improve my skills at cold approaching.

A few months ago I didn’t even open, now I’m comfortable opening, even get a few numbers here and there but I’m not building attraction for some reason, just being a friendly/funny social guy with girls that are 6′s or less…

when it comes to girls that are 7′s or higher I notice that I really put them on a pedestal and feel that I’m not good enough for them… logically I know this doesn’t make sense: I’m a good looking guy, funny and have a good job.. but its a feeling that I get before I approach them regardless.

Any advice on how to rid my brain of this thought pattern would be highly appreciated…

First off, kudos to you for getting out there and approaching women.  That’s the crucial first step in any type of improvement.  Good job!  Going from not approaching any women, to being able to chat up girls in just a couple months is phenomenal progress!

But now you’re running into some “growing pains.”  As your skill-set matures, you’ll run into a few obstacles you’re not prepared for quite yet, like the one described about putting women on pedestals.

Let me just say – THIS IS VERY COMMON!

Lots of guys do this when they find a woman attractive.  This is actually a natural thing to do.  When we see something as high value, we tend to think about it in terms of being desirable.

And when it comes to “high value people,” we immediately want approval from these people.

THAT is where the danger comes in!

When you seek approval from someone, you’re submitting yourself to be JUDGED.

And that leaves you open to being REJECTED!

Because your subconscious mind knows that a “high value girl” could reject you, as a defense mechanism, you clam up around them.  You try to “play it safe.”  You don’t want to do anything that could cause that girl to reject you.  And as a result, you usually BLOW YOUR CHANCE WITH HER.  Why?  Because you don’t do any of the things you need to in order to attract her!

So the way to get around this is to learn how to lower the value of the girl in your mind, and have a very HIGH VALUE placed on yourself.  When you feel equal, or even slightly superior to a woman, she immediately becomes far easier to approach and talk to!

There are lots of methods on how to make yourself high value to women, and how to lower their value so they’re easier to talk to – and I cover them in my course The Art Of Approaching.

If you have a hard time talking to women because you’re always putting them on pedestals and submitting yourself to their judgement, then you definitely need to check it out.

In my course, I break down the fundamentals of MALE SELF-CONFIDENCE and teach you not only how to mentally build yourself up and project strong, confident energy around women, I’ll also show you some easy techniques to make “high value women” a little less high value, and therefore easier to talk to.

Click Here Now To Check Out My Course For Yourself!

Before you know it, you’ll be on a level-playing field with any woman – no matter how hot she is – and best of all, you’ll be getting killer results!

I guarantee it.

If you’re the type of guy who likes to work out and take care of yourself, then chances are you spend a lot of time at the gym.

In fact, it’s not unusual for guys to spend anywhere from an hour to two hours a day working out!

From personal experience, when I work out, I’ll be at the gym five days a week, alternating between an hour of cardio and an hour of weight training.

And that time at the gym adds up!  Some people even go further by joining classes, getting a personal trainer, and hanging out at the local juice bar.  So it’s no surprise that because some of us spend so much time at the gym, we’d like to know how to meet women there!

After all, it’s not just the fact that some guys spend a lot of time working out at the gym, there’s also the fact that some very attractive women spend a lot of time there too!  (In an effort to remain as attractive as possible, of course.)

But as much as it makes sense to try and meet girls during your workout, it can seem like a very daunting task!  But if you know a few simple tricks for meeting women at the gym, you might be surprised to find that it’s actually easier to do than you think.

Let’s go through the tips now…

TIP #1:  Taking Advantage Of Cardio

Typically, people will do cardio workouts for anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour.  Let’s face it, that’s a LONG time to do nothing but run in place!

If you see an attractive girl you’d like to meet doing cardio, see if you can get on a machine next to her to do your cardio.  This will give you the opportunity to start up a conversation with her.

You’ll be amazed at how easy it is to talk to someone when they’re doing a cardio workout, and that’s because cardio is BORING.  The girl will typically be watching closed-caption TV, flipping through a magazine, or listening to music on an iPod.  But talking to someone can pass the time just as fast, and as long as your approach is smooth, she’ll be more than willing to chat with you!

TIP #2:  Find Out Her Playlist

One of the biggest obstacles guys face at the gym is competing with iPods.  People like to listen to music when they work out, and seeing a pair of ear-plugs can scare you off from starting a conversation.

But I’ve found that actually asking the woman about the music she listens to when working out is a great way to not only get her to listen to you instead of music, but a good way to quickly bond with her over mutual interests.

The way I do it, is I’ll try and get the girl’s attention, either by waving at her or tapping her on her shoulder.  This will get her to pause her music and look at me.  Then I’ll say…

“Sorry to bother you, do you mind if I ask what music you’re listening to?”

When she give you her answer, you can respond:

“I’m getting kind of bored with my music, so I’m looking for some new stuff to listen to during my workout.  What kind of music do you think is the best to workout to?”

From there, I can start talking about favorite bands, concerts I’ve been to, etc.  It’s a great way to get her attention away from her iPod and focused on you!

TIP #3:  Offer Advice

Often times, you’ll see girls working out throughout the gym on various machines or weights.  A great way to start up conversations with them is to offer them advice or feedback on their form.

Just make sure that it’s “friendly” suggestions, and that you’re not telling them they’re doing things wrong.

People at the gym who work out without personal trainers usually have mistakes in how they are using machines or performing a certain exercise.  So if you can offer them some tips on how to make their workout more effective, they’ll actually really appreciate it!

And once you offer them your advice, you can start asking them about their training goals, and carry on the conversation from there.

This is a very effective way of meeting girls who are weight training.

TIP #4:  Join A Class

Most gyms offer a variety of classes you can sign up for.  These range from yoga, to spinning, to dancing, etc.

Here’s a tip – most of these classes are filled by a majority of WOMEN.  So taking a class can give you a tremendous opportunity to meet girls!

Not only that, but many classes can become social functions, and give you excuses to talk and chit-chat with girls.  I can’t tell you how many girls I’ve dated because I was the only guy in their class at the gym.

You’ll also notice a lot of the girls in your classes also work out at the gym, so you have a great way of meeting them if you see them in the general training area.  Just approach them and say “Hey, aren’t you in my spinning (or whatever) class?”

Seriously, it does not get much easier than that!

TIP #5:  Take Advantage Of The Juice Bar

Most gyms nowadays have some type of juice bar, or place where you can sit down and drink a protein shake or smoothy.  Take advantage of this when you’re trying to meet women at the gym!

There are two ways you can utilize a juice bar…

The first is to invite women you meet while working out to join you for a drink.  This is a great way to do an “instant date” after meeting a girl.  Instead of letting the girl just leave after she’s done working out, ask her if she’d be interested in grabbing a drink with you at the smoothy bar.

Then, sit down and chit-chat with her.  It’s just like getting coffee together, but much quicker and easier.

The second way to use the juice bar area is to actually see if there are any women you’d like to meet there already, and ask to join them while you drink your beverage.  Most women won’t refuse you, and you can start chit-chatting with them after you sit down.

Ultimately, there are lots of great ways to meet women during your workout.  Just keep trying different methods until you find one that works for you.

Let’s face it, some things just get better with age.  Things like fine wine, Cuban cigars, and yes, even women!

Meeting a woman who’s older than you can actually be quite a good way to meet a fantastic partner.  Usually, older women are much more experienced, not only in relationships, but also in the bedroom.

So meeting older women can actually teach you a ting or two – not only about relationships, but also about what you’re really looking for in a partner.

So the real question is:

Are you interested in dating a woman who’s older than you are?

Do you find older women more attractive than their younger counterparts?

Well, my friend, you are not alone!

Older women are much more “mature” and experienced in the ways of love. They’ve usually had a lot of practice dealing with men, and know their way around the bedroom.

They can also be MUCH easier to deal with than younger women, who can tend to be a little “high maintenance.”

If you’re a man in your mid-to-late 20s who’s mostly been with women in their late teens and early 20s, dating a woman in her 40s can be a real treat for you!

They tend to be more mature and less selfish – sexually, and in just about every other way – than the women you’re used to dating. And if you’re not looking for anything serious, the chances are higher that they’re not either, if they’re just past child-bearing age.

In that way, they’re kind of like a lot of women in their mid-20s and younger, who don’t feel compelled to start a family in the way that single women who’ve hit 28 or 29 do. By the time a single woman reaches that age range, she’s more likely to feel that now’s the time to act if she’s ever going to have children.

That’s because she’s not getting any younger, and she feels less attractive than she was when she was in her early 20s. In her mind, it’s only going to get harder to find a great man she can settle down with.

(By the way, a lot of women at this stage make a mistake that a lot of men make their entire lives: they get desperate. Some women actually repel men because of their desire to get into a serious relationship sooner than the man is comfortable with. And a lot of women at this stage will settle for a man who they’re not compatible with, but who will end up fulfilling their need to have a family.)

So how can you start meeting older women?

You’re not so likely to find them at trendy nightclubs, but you can find them just about everywhere else you can find attractive women: while you’re out shopping, at coffee houses, local bars, or in bookstores. You can also meet them through school, volunteer activities or through friends.

But bar none, the BEST place to meet older women is online dating sites.

Sites like Match.com and E-Harmony have a bevy of older women just looking for some guy to come along and sweep them off their feet.

Some of them have kids, most of them are divorced, but one thing they all have in common is that they’re probably looking to have a good time!

Also, more and more over 30 women are heading towards social networking sites like MySpace as a way to meet new people. Just by doing a quick search for your target age range in your local area on MySpace will yield a number of potential older women you can meet.

But there are problems with dating older women. You may not be as mature as she is, which can be a problem for both of you. And the age difference can become rather awkward should you decide to get married: If there’s a 15-year age difference between you, then she’ll be 50 when you’re 35!

But that’s not to say that you shouldn’t meet and date an older woman. It can be a great experience for you, if you’re aware of the potential issues that can arise in the relationship.

Honestly, the art of meeting and dating older women could fill a book, and unfortunately, I just don’t have the time to go as much into detail with this as I would like.

So if you’re interested in learning more about how to meet and date older women (or just women in general), then I would highly recommend you sign up for my free How To Meet Women crash course.

No where else on the internet will you find such a detailed and comprehensive resource – for free, no less – on how to meet and date the women of your dreams.

I will show you all the secrets you need to know on how to overcome your anxiety of approaching women, and how to not get rejected – EVER – so you can actually have FUN meeting and dating women instead of feeling like its a chore.

Just click this link to sign up for it now:

Click Here For Your Free How To Meet Women Crash Course!

It just takes a few seconds to sign up, and you’ll get instant access to it once you do.

But hurry, I don’t know how much longer I’ll be making this resource available for free.

Wishing you success,

Joseph Matthews
Author of The Art Of Approaching Women

So here’s an email I got from a poor college kid who’s having some trouble with the ladies…

Hi Mr. Matthews,

Thanks so much for your advice so far, I’ve tried a few of your techniques, some are great for ‘pulling’, but I’m in a weird situation at the moment. From the beginning: I’m a university student, 18 years old, 5’11, use the gym alot and am told I’m fairly good looking by my female friends (hope that doesn’t sound big headed though), there is one problem however, that is I’ve never had a girlfriend and I am looking for a relationship.

Everyone says “Your at uni!  You’ll find someone easy!” Truth is I haven’t. I go clubbing, etc, and am average at dancing. Some of my female friends with boyfriends even said I’d be a good excuse to leave their boyfriends, but I think that’s because they know me well (plus I’m not only after ‘one thing’).

I’ve gotten close to a girl before, but a ‘mate’ came between us which resulted in her getting back with her ex.  Anyways the only thing I’m aware of doing wrong is going up to women and
talking.

Its just weird because I’ve always had low self esteem, especially
when I WAS overweight.  Also, most girls I like nearly all have boyfriends.

At uni, its hard to find anywhere to approach a girl and just get her to like me.  Whenever I’m with my uni mates I feel like the inferior one because they all have had a fair bit of experience with women. I’m this serious about giving up (which I hopefully won’t).  I’ll even send a photo of me just to proove I’m not some weirdo who has obvious reasons for struggling with women. I feel like I might have left out some details but don’t know what…

Thank you if you can help my crisis, I’m positive you can.

Wow – you’ve touched on a whole lotta things all at once here.

Where to begin…

First of all, I’d like to say this:  it is a MYTH that meeting women at college is “easy.”

Actually, let me qualify that — Meeting women in college IS easy, but only if you know HOW to do it.

I didn’t realize until I got out into the “real world” just how good I had it in college.  Women are EVERYWHERE.  You sit next to them in class, they hang out in the student union, they walk around campus, they go tot he dining halls, etc., etc.

Then, of course, you have the college parties!

But it takes a certain type of mentality to realize that meeting women while in school isn’t a difficult task.

See, especially for guys who are virgins – or have little experience with girls – they just don’t know HOW to get girls while at school.

You seem to have a lot of things going for you.  You say you’re good looking, you say you work out a lot, and you have female friends.  yet, you still have trouble.

You, the good lucking, muscled guy with lots of girls in his social circle, is on the same playing field as the geeky guy with glasses and the pocket protector.

See, by 18, MOST guys haven’t had all that much experience with women.  And the guys who have, usually can claim carnal knowledge of maybe 1 or 2 girls (if they’re lucky).  It’s the rare bird who has scored into the double-digits by the time they hit college.

So understand:  YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Lots of guys are going through what you are, especially their first year in school.  I’m willing to bet most guys out there went through high school without ever having a girlfriend saying to themselves “It’ll be different in college,” thinking every college movie they ever saw is some accurate representation of how easy it is to get laid in school – only to be disappointed when they do enter school and find out it’s NOT as easy as they though.

Understand:  Waiting for it to just “happen” is WRONG.

It won’t “just happen.”  You need to MAKE it happen.

So here’s how you make it happen:

1.  First of all, realize there is NOTHING wrong or “inferior” about you being 18, a virgin, and not having a girlfriend.  No one taught you how to be anything other than you are, and you probably picked up a lot of “bad habbits” concerning women and dating.

So forget about how experienced your friends are.  They don’t matter.  YOU DO.  Don’t focus on being a virgin.  Don’t even focus on getting laid.  Focus on meeting as many women as you can and having FUN with them.

2.  Be social.  College is a little social biosphere.  People are open to meeting other people, that’s what college is all about!  So use what you learn in the Art Of Approaching and talk to as many women as you can – even if it’s about stupid stuff and it goes no where, at least you tried!

No one will fault you for being social.  And chances are, more often than not, girls will respond very positively just to you being friendly.  And in addition to that, being social gets you invited to ALL sorts of parties, where it’s easy to meet women.

3.  utilize your social circles.  You say you have some female friends?  Well – USE THEM!  Let them know you’re looking for a good girl.  They will set you up!  Most people meet their girlfriends through mutual acquaintences.  There’s a REASON for that!

4.  Ignore the boyfriends!  I know this is a tough one, because the truth is, most girls worth while in college will already be “taken.”  But do not let that stop you!  Girls WILL cheat!  Especially in college!  They will jump from boyfriend to boyfriend, no problem.  Just don’t fall into the trap of pursuing a girl who isn’t into you!  Always go after MULTIPLE women, so you’re not spending all your time on just one chick who may or may not be into you.  Also, having lots of women in your life makes you attractive to other women.  (It’s some type of social proof thing.  Don’t ask me why it is, it just is.)

5.  Focus on what you have going for you.  You said you have low self esteem.  Well, guess what – EVERYONE DOES!  I’m convinced only sociopaths don’t have low self esteem.  But the reason you have low self-esteem is because you focus on your shortcomings, and the stuff you don’t like about yourself.  NO!  You must start focusing on the stuff you like about yourself, and bring that to the forefront of every interaction.

Look, I’m not a male-model looking guy.  I personally think I’m hideous looking.  And when I dwell on what I hate about my looks, I never get any chicks!  But when I focus on the positives I find in myself, it happens.  I’ve had girls compliment my on how beautiful my eyes are, my laugh, and even how straight my teeth are!  (I kid you not).  So what do I do?  I make lots of eye contact, smile a lot, and laugh easily.  I showcase the things most girls have complimented me on.

Focusing on your shortcomings is a sure-fire way to FAIL with women.  You have to stay positive about who you are, because you attract more women with positivity than you do with brooding and bitterness.  (And the women you attract when your brooding and bitter will only make you MORE miserable.  Trust me.)

The truth is this:  You never know what most women will find attractive, so don’t try to guess.  Just be a fun a guy, and have a good time with whomever you find yourself with.  Fun is the sexiest thing a guy can be with a woman.

I hope that helps.  Good luck at school!

(And don’t flunk out because you’re getting so much tail! =)