How To Meet Women

Donnovan, of Attraction Chronicles fame, has one of his Seduction Masters Interviews up, this time with Dr. Paul.  Dr. Paul is one of those “confidence creator” guys who’s taught at a few David DeAngelo seminars.  He’s a good guy, and his stuff seems to really work.  Here’s my favorite part of the interview…

Donovan & Dr. Paul write:
4. Can you describe the first time you used a counter-intuitive routine that yielded it’s promised results, and how you felt?

I don’t use routines. That’s ridiculous. I’m about being myself and knowing what time it is with people and their behavior. Be real. I think there are a lot of promised results not based in science. And guess what, they don’t work every time, for every guy in every situation. Science does. That’s why it has lasted since the first caveman threw a rock in the air and shouted “cool” when it reliably fell to the ground every single time he threw it. Well, that’s caveman science for you. I do like mystery’s material in the sense that it does have an experimental testing tone to it, which is kinda sorta science-like, but still based in personal experience rather than formal research and education. Like him as a person too. He’s an inquisitive mind, and a good heart, wanting to help guys. Some other folk, well whatever…

Here’s why I like this answer…

I like it because Dr. Paul is really touting a hard-core, confidence based mentality here.  Guys with the right set of inner game don’t need to use routines, etc.

But, that being said, I don’t 100% agree with him.

Tell that to someone who has little, no, or bad experiences with women, and he’s going to look at you cross-eyed.  To most guys struggling with women, the whole “Be Yourself” advice is about as worthwhile as tits on a log.  (Though some would argue tits are NEVER worthless, but I digress…)

I think to dismiss routines completely dismisses the whole “process” of learning seduction.

Most guys don’t know anything about women, or how to pick them up, date them, or even understand them.  This is because no one ever taught them, or they were taught wrongly.  I think the use of routines helps to re-train people and put them on the right path for them to GET TO THE POINT where they don’t need to use them.

Most routines are part of a process of attraction.  The whole Find, Meet, Attract, Close mentality is a step-by-step process, and each step has routines that go with it.  This is so guys who have struggled in the past have a guideline to follow.  Once one has experience AND success with the process, they can start to shed routines because they have a better understanding of the process AND themselves.

That is why I am still a big believer in routines and patterns and all that jazz - because it gives you a good starting framewrok from which to learn.

I don’t use too many routines anymore, but when I first started out, I used them ALL THE TIME.  And I’m glad I did, because it helped me understand how the attraction & dating process worked with women, and it also make me focus on my internal game and helped to fine tune it.

The goal of every man should be like Dr. Paul suggests - get to the point where you DON’T NEED pre-canned or memorized material, where you can showcase your personality and have that be your main attractor.  But don’t expect it to happen overnight.  It is, after all, a process.

So I came across this extremely interesting article about the rules of attraction, and how scientists are actually trying to define if there is, in fact, a set of rules that guide us to one type of person as opposed to another.

Anna Saunders writes:
SCIENTISTS are analysing love and sexual attraction to identify what makes us fall for someone.

It’s a classic scenario. It’s nearly midnight at a heaving, inner-city club and a cluster of girls are giggling over their cocktails, when one looks up and spots a young man across the room.

Their eyes lock, they smile shyly … and, well, you know the rest.

What attracted them to each other? Was it her blonde hair? His muscular arms?

Not likely, say some scientists, who would argue it was his symmetrical face, the length of his index finger or even that she looks a little like his mother …

Joe’s Note: Ewwwwww…

Rose-toting romantics may scoff at the notion, but scientists are increasingly analysing love and sexual attraction, in a bid to identify exactly why we fall for one another.

The scent of a woman

So what makes one person’s dreamboat another person’s shipwreck?

Pheromones are probably the best known- and most controversial - scientific theory behind attraction.

“Pheromones are basically chemical signals. You detect them with tiny sensors in your nose,” says Dr Ann McDonnell, a biomedical science lecturer at Griffith University.

Scientists have long known that pheromones help animals attract each other, but it is less clear how they affect humans.

But we know they do affect us. Women know that their menstrual cycles often synchronise when they’re living together.

Research in the 1980s linked this to pheromones - and since then the race has been on to identify (and make millions off) pheromones that attract the opposite sex.

Because pheromones are found in underarm sweat, some researchers have even employed women to sniff men’s unwashed shirts, with Swiss scientists discovering that women prefer the smell of pheromones that are similar to their own.

“But what we know about pheromones is the tip of the iceberg,” says McDonnell.

Some companies are already selling pheromone perfumes over the internet. But do they work? McDonnell snorts.

“There’s nothing you can buy in a bottle from eBay that is going to make you irresistible.”

Personally, I’m not a big believer in the whole “Pheromone” thing. I think humans primarily rely on seeing, hearing, and touching as their primary senses. That’s not to say a good cologne can’t help your cause (or going for weeks without showering can hurt it), but I just don’t see the whole “pheromone” craze as something viable UNTILL scientists can create something, Love Potion #9-style, to get women going ga-ga for you on the first sniff.

I’ve heard of all sorts of things guys do to try and “capitalize” on this pheromone idea. One of the grossest examples was giving a woman hankerchiefs soaked in their sweat (presumably during dancing in the nightclub). I even heard this was a popular pick-up technique used in Europe for a while. Again, all I can say to this is: Ewwwwwww.

When it comes to the sense of smell, go for a good cologne or body spray. Don’t rely on your musk to attract a woman for you. Use it to give you a boost. (more…)

I found a pretty interesting (yet pattently depressing) article in the St. Paul Pioneer about men over 40 who are having trouble in the dating scene.

Nhia Tongchai Lee writes:
Second chances at love don’t come often when you hit your 40s.

That’s what many single men in that age group are finding out. Dating now has become a challenge compared with when they were in their 20s.

John Drysdale, 46, divorced in 2001. He says finding someone his age who is educated, single and ready to settle down is a rare thing.

“The demographics are definitely different,” says the southwest Minneapolis resident. “When I was in my 20s, everyone was single and in the same boat. Now, the majority of people I know in their 40s are all married, and here I am — single again.”

Going to bars to meet new people was out of the question for him. “I didn’t know where to go anymore,” he says. “Single people my age are not hanging out at the pub and social clubs. The availability is limited.”

Hate to break it to you, but dating is ALWAYS a challenge. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be a “game,” would it? But the number of men who are getting divorced or finding themselves suddenly single later on in life IS going up. The problem is, men over 40 are falling back on how they tried to get women when they were younger, and what works for younger guys isn’t always the best tactic for guys who are more mature.

For instance, club going. Going to clubs and bars to pick up chicks is a young man’s game. Not to say older guys can’t do it, but you have to pick the right scene. Go to a bar or club that caters to college students, you’re going to stick out like a sore thumb. But go to a bar that caters to the “happy hour” professional crowd, and that may be more your speed.

But personally, I hate the bar/club scene for picking up. It’s good for dates and going out on the town with a chick, but it’s a competitive and high-energy pick up environment, and guys who are out of the game for a while can find it difficult to go back into.

In the case of this article, the guy in question was looking for women “his age,” meaning over 40. Chances are, any woman at that age worth her salt probably has been married before and has some kids - and you can bet your ASS they’re not going to bars and clubs.

As far as I see it, there are really only 2 choices for men over 40 looking to get back in the dating game.

If they’re looking for women their own age, they MUST go online. That’s where most mature, single women who are too busy to go out congregate to look for Mr. Right. That’s not to say you can’t go out to certain events or venues and find these women, but this is the easiest route.

The second option is to go for YOUNGER women. Many women find older men more attractive, and if you can put up with the experience level difference, I’d suggest going for single women ranging from 26-33, and there are TONS of places you can go to find these women.

But remember: Old men can’t try to pick up women like guys in their 20s. Sure, the psychology of attraction is the same, but the methods are a bit different. So the first thing you got to do if you’re over 40 and looking for love, is to forget about everything you did when you were younger that worked, because it won’t all apply to you anymore. A lot of the personality/attitude stuff is the same, but you have to keep in mind who you’re going after, and where you now are in your life.

If you can do that, the rest should be easy.

Found a great article on Encore Online written by a 30 year old guy who points out the major differences in the dating game during this milestone.

Sean Snyder writes:
Things have certainly changed. I remember dates in my 20s to be a bit more lighthearted. Now my dates seem to have more of an agenda. I can see them with their notebooks, checking off criteria and measuring me as the evening goes on. They need to get going with their life and don’t have any time to play around.

The biological clock sets the parameters for our dates. As the years have dripped by, many more of my dates have children. Nothing I am opposed to, but it brings another notebook and added pressure.

I like smiles and laughter on a date. Now I feel the weight of these biological constraints. The humor is gone. I can see it in her eyes that if I am not the one for her then this date needs to end. She needs to find Mr. Right.

On first dates as a 30 year old, I get exasperation when I try to interject levity. I get looks of “Hey, you! I am trying to conduct an interview here to measure your worthiness. Stop joking around.”

Wow! I want to try and have a fun evening. When did this become an interview?

The rules of engagement have changed. I prepare for a date now like going for a job or mortgage. Career history, salary bracket, family genetics and personal background all play a part. I make sure to bring a current copy of my credit score and drug test with me. That doesn’t set the tone for a romantic evening.

Now when a date asks if I like children I know she is asking about her children. Children I have never met. Questions about my job stability and living situation are meant to determine if I am ready to settle down.

I get nostalgic for the 20-something dates I had. Nervousness back then was about being with the opposite sex not an interrogation of my worthiness as a potential life partner. There is no room for humor.

There’s a BIG reason for what this poor guy is experiencing.

As we get older, men’s stock goes up, and women’s stock goes down.  The older a woman gets, the more her looks go, and the less male attention she gets.  When women hit 30, it suddenly dawns on them - “Oh crap!  It’s getting harder to attract guys! I’m getting old, and my looks aren’t what they used to be!” (this is especially true if she’s pumped out a few kids.)

So these women get serious.  They are looking for a PROVIDER.  We’re talking husband material here, gentlement.  They want a guy who can care for them (and their rug rats, if they have ‘em), pay their bills, and give them a good lifestyle.  Things like “fun” aren’t as important at this stage of the game, especially when a woman knows her primo “snag-&-grab” time is almost up.

It sounds like this 30-something year old guy, Sean, who wrote the article, would be better of dating (dare I say it? *gasp*) YOUNGER women if what he wants is to have fun, carefree dates like he did in his youth.

To paraphrase Matthew McConaughay’s character in “Dazed and Confused,” — We Get Older, Women Stay The Same Age.

Meaning:  all 20 year old chicks will act like 20 year old chicks.  30 year old chicks will always act like 30 year old chicks.  And so on.

You can’t make a 30 year old woman act like a 20 year old. They’ve outgrown that.  (literally)  They have more experience, and different priorities.

This is why it’s important to KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.  Do you want a fun, young, party girl to have a fling with?  Or do you want a deep, serious relationship with the prospect of marriage?  Sure, you can have deep, serious relationships with younger women, but the idea of marriage might hit them the wrong way because there’s so much more for them to experience.  And you can also have a fun fling with a 30+ woman, but eventually, she’s going to wonder “where is this going?”

Speaking as a guy rapidly approaching 30 myself, I think the “sweet spot” for dating women is the 25-28 age range.  Here’s where you get just enough maturity, but still have some real fun.

And also, avoid SINGLE MOMS!  I’ve said this a million times.  Sure, there’s nothing wrong with them if you like kids.  But remember: their priority will be their kids, not their relationship with you.  So if you want that kind of “let’s go have fun and hump like rabbits” attention, go for women who are available to do so.