When Its Time For The Second Date…

Okay so you’ve gotten the first date, what do you do when it’s time for the second?

For instance, I recently got this letter from a student named Alex…

Dear Joseph,

Thanks so much for all these great tips.  I’ve been putting some of the basics to work for me such as the 3 second rule and always smiling and at least saying hi to every woman to build confidence, but I still get nervous enough to forget most of the material when I’m actually talking to a woman one on one.  Having a terrible memory normally isn’t helping either.  Ok, thats the bad stuff, now on to the good stuff:

Happily, I’ve just gone on my first ‘get together for coffee’ with a woman since I started reading your ebooks and newsletters.  I met her on a datng site, I have an easier time with material when I have time to think than when I need to constantly improvize quickly.

I completely blanked out on almost everything I was planning to say to her in person when I met her face to face.  I was able to remember some of the smaller things I’ve learned, like improving my appearance and dressing to impress, keeping my smile slight but present, direct eye contact, and monitoring our body language as well as mirroring her.

Even though I blanked I still felt comfortable enough to not give off any nervous vibes (at least I’m pretty sure), and I remembered to keep the conversation flowing smoothly.  I probed for values and tried to keep her talking about things she enjoyed, I remembered to do a little ‘chest thumping’ of my own to demonstrate my own value, and spent the rest of our hour and a half long coffee/non-date working on comfort.

I noticed something bad however, due to the coffee table between us, I wasn’t able to do any kino aside from the initial and parting handshake.  The good news is I do have her real phone number (talked to her on it already) AND she’s willing to do it again soon, next time closer to her house. (She lives a decent drive from me.)

So now I’m of to go study material for the second date.  Do you have any ideas or suggestions you could give me based on this so far?

-Alex

Hi Alex,

First off:  Congrats on having such a quick success!  Lots of guys like to measure success based on how many women they can sleep with, but I think when starting out, it’s just as important to measure success in terms of POSITIVE interactions.

Let me confess to you:  I HATE to memorize stuff!  Routines and Patterns are not for me.  I have like 4-5 good openers I’ve memorized completely, but other than that, I just like to “wing it” when dealing with the ladies.

Because of this, I know exactly where you’re coming from.

Let me share something with you that I do:  If I’m nervous, or whatever, when I’m on a date, i will actually call attention to what I’m feeling.

I might say something like “Can I just tell you, I’m super-nervous right now?”

The girl will almost always say “Why?”

And I’ll honestly respond with something like “Because I think you’re really great, and I like you a lot, and I’m worried I might fart or something and blow it!”

Being honest with women, especially about your feelings, is ALWAYS a good tactic.  Trying to hide that you’re nervous of scared gives off an odd energy.  It’s almost like you’re trying to hide something.  When I started being honest with girls in this respect, I found that acknowledging the feelings in a way made them go away.

It’s also a great way to get the girl to open up to you about her feelings, because an admission like that is usually reciprocated.

So if you ever blank like you did again, say something like “You know, I had all these great things to say to you in order to sweep you off your feet, but I just totally forgot about every one of them.  It sucks, because I spent 2 hours of my life trying to memorize stories to tell you that I will never get back!”

Anyway, you asked about the second date…

The first date is always a nice “get to know you” deal, especially if you’ve met the woman online.  it gives you a chance to see if this is someone you want to meet with again.

If you’ve read my book, you’ll know I like the “minidate” method.

So for Date #2, you’re going to want to meet up to do something fun or interesting.  You can meet for dinner if you want, but I usually like to do something like “let’s go to an arcade!” or something wierd.  But meeting for a meal can be fine too.

Anyway, the goal of Date #2 is to minidate her into feeling like you’ve gone on 4-5 dates.  So dinner, arcade, bookstore, movie, etc.  It doesn’t matter where you go or what you do, as long as you do a couple different things.

I’ve even gone so far as to go with my date underwear shopping!  (Not for me, for her, lol.)  Those are always interesting.  But it usually leads to some fun times. 

But more than anything else…

HAVE FUN!

It doesn’t matter what you do one date #2 as long as you and her are having fun together!

Some guys take dates so serious, they forget that the point is to have a good time with the girl.  So they get all serious because they feel the pressure to sleep with the girl.

So a good rule of thumb:  Do something fun on date #2!

That’s never steered me wrong.