How To Get A Girlfriend In College

So here’s an email I got from a poor college kid who’s having some trouble with the ladies…

Hi Mr. Matthews,

Thanks so much for your advice so far, I’ve tried a few of your techniques, some are great for ‘pulling’, but I’m in a weird situation at the moment. From the beginning: I’m a university student, 18 years old, 5′11, use the gym alot and am told I’m fairly good looking by my female friends (hope that doesn’t sound big headed though), there is one problem however, that is I’ve never had a girlfriend and I am looking for a relationship.

Everyone says “Your at uni!  You’ll find someone easy!” Truth is I haven’t. I go clubbing, etc, and am average at dancing. Some of my female friends with boyfriends even said I’d be a good excuse to leave their boyfriends, but I think that’s because they know me well (plus I’m not only after ‘one thing’).

I’ve gotten close to a girl before, but a ‘mate’ came between us which resulted in her getting back with her ex.  Anyways the only thing I’m aware of doing wrong is going up to women and
talking.

Its just weird because I’ve always had low self esteem, especially
when I WAS overweight.  Also, most girls I like nearly all have boyfriends.

At uni, its hard to find anywhere to approach a girl and just get her to like me.  Whenever I’m with my uni mates I feel like the inferior one because they all have had a fair bit of experience with women. I’m this serious about giving up (which I hopefully won’t).  I’ll even send a photo of me just to proove I’m not some weirdo who has obvious reasons for struggling with women. I feel like I might have left out some details but don’t know what…

Thank you if you can help my crisis, I’m positive you can.

Wow – you’ve touched on a whole lotta things all at once here.

Where to begin…

First of all, I’d like to say this:  it is a MYTH that meeting women at college is “easy.”

Actually, let me qualify that — Meeting women in college IS easy, but only if you know HOW to do it.

I didn’t realize until I got out into the “real world” just how good I had it in college.  Women are EVERYWHERE.  You sit next to them in class, they hang out in the student union, they walk around campus, they go tot he dining halls, etc., etc.

Then, of course, you have the college parties!

But it takes a certain type of mentality to realize that meeting women while in school isn’t a difficult task.

See, especially for guys who are virgins – or have little experience with girls – they just don’t know HOW to get girls while at school.

You seem to have a lot of things going for you.  You say you’re good looking, you say you work out a lot, and you have female friends.  yet, you still have trouble.

You, the good lucking, muscled guy with lots of girls in his social circle, is on the same playing field as the geeky guy with glasses and the pocket protector.

See, by 18, MOST guys haven’t had all that much experience with women.  And the guys who have, usually can claim carnal knowledge of maybe 1 or 2 girls (if they’re lucky).  It’s the rare bird who has scored into the double-digits by the time they hit college.

So understand:  YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

Lots of guys are going through what you are, especially their first year in school.  I’m willing to bet most guys out there went through high school without ever having a girlfriend saying to themselves “It’ll be different in college,” thinking every college movie they ever saw is some accurate representation of how easy it is to get laid in school – only to be disappointed when they do enter school and find out it’s NOT as easy as they though.

Understand:  Waiting for it to just “happen” is WRONG.

It won’t “just happen.”  You need to MAKE it happen.

So here’s how you make it happen:

1.  First of all, realize there is NOTHING wrong or “inferior” about you being 18, a virgin, and not having a girlfriend.  No one taught you how to be anything other than you are, and you probably picked up a lot of “bad habbits” concerning women and dating.

So forget about how experienced your friends are.  They don’t matter.  YOU DO.  Don’t focus on being a virgin.  Don’t even focus on getting laid.  Focus on meeting as many women as you can and having FUN with them.

2.  Be social.  College is a little social biosphere.  People are open to meeting other people, that’s what college is all about!  So use what you learn in the Art Of Approaching and talk to as many women as you can – even if it’s about stupid stuff and it goes no where, at least you tried!

No one will fault you for being social.  And chances are, more often than not, girls will respond very positively just to you being friendly.  And in addition to that, being social gets you invited to ALL sorts of parties, where it’s easy to meet women.

3.  utilize your social circles.  You say you have some female friends?  Well – USE THEM!  Let them know you’re looking for a good girl.  They will set you up!  Most people meet their girlfriends through mutual acquaintences.  There’s a REASON for that!

4.  Ignore the boyfriends!  I know this is a tough one, because the truth is, most girls worth while in college will already be “taken.”  But do not let that stop you!  Girls WILL cheat!  Especially in college!  They will jump from boyfriend to boyfriend, no problem.  Just don’t fall into the trap of pursuing a girl who isn’t into you!  Always go after MULTIPLE women, so you’re not spending all your time on just one chick who may or may not be into you.  Also, having lots of women in your life makes you attractive to other women.  (It’s some type of social proof thing.  Don’t ask me why it is, it just is.)

5.  Focus on what you have going for you.  You said you have low self esteem.  Well, guess what – EVERYONE DOES!  I’m convinced only sociopaths don’t have low self esteem.  But the reason you have low self-esteem is because you focus on your shortcomings, and the stuff you don’t like about yourself.  NO!  You must start focusing on the stuff you like about yourself, and bring that to the forefront of every interaction.

Look, I’m not a male-model looking guy.  I personally think I’m hideous looking.  And when I dwell on what I hate about my looks, I never get any chicks!  But when I focus on the positives I find in myself, it happens.  I’ve had girls compliment my on how beautiful my eyes are, my laugh, and even how straight my teeth are!  (I kid you not).  So what do I do?  I make lots of eye contact, smile a lot, and laugh easily.  I showcase the things most girls have complimented me on.

Focusing on your shortcomings is a sure-fire way to FAIL with women.  You have to stay positive about who you are, because you attract more women with positivity than you do with brooding and bitterness.  (And the women you attract when your brooding and bitter will only make you MORE miserable.  Trust me.)

The truth is this:  You never know what most women will find attractive, so don’t try to guess.  Just be a fun a guy, and have a good time with whomever you find yourself with.  Fun is the sexiest thing a guy can be with a woman.

I hope that helps.  Good luck at school!

(And don’t flunk out because you’re getting so much tail! =)