Are You Afraid You Might Lose Your Girl?

A guy named James888 has posted on the mASF board about his fear of losing a girl if he makes his move…

James888 writes:
After a lot of introspection, I have come to the conclusion that I fear escalation because I might go too far and lose her. I think my internal subconscious logic goes like this:

1) I meet comparatively few women, and it is hard work getting them to day2.
2) If I proceed slowly yet surely, I’m more likely to end up with her in the end.
3) If I go too fast, I might drive her off.

Small, slow, escalations lead closer and closer to sex. Faster escalations could cause her to recoil and take me further from sex.

I need someone to logic me out of this. The only escalations I’m subconsiously allowing myself are tiny ones that are easily backed off from.

For instance, the ONE GIRL I’ve layed, when I first kissed her, I was really only leaning in to kiss her cheek when she turned and kissed me. Minor escalation: a kiss on the cheek can’t be denied.

The ONS I almost had, I pre-emptively freezed her out so hard she almost left. Pre-emptive freeze out: I don’t have to deal with her denying me.

In fact, the only girl I’ve been able to reasonably quickly escalate is a fat girl who I wasn’t real attracted to in the first place, and who I eventually did not fuck because I was so turned off. See my LR-. I literally kicked her out.

Can someone talk me out of this problem? I think it’s due to some invalid social conditioning, that I should feel like a pervert if I escalate too fast and cause her to stop me.

Why am I asking? Because:

- I have a day2 tomorrow evening with a girl I am really attracted to.
- I am leaving for a month next week.
- I really hope to fuck her before this happens.

Don’t worry, I am not in a needy frame, I have other fish in the sea…I am just being realistic.

First off, I would say this to anyone out there experiencing a similar problem:  DO NOT BE AFRAID TO LOSE A GIRL!

I know that’s easier said than done, and it’s hard to risk losing a girl you’ve come to like.  But be honest here — wouldn’t you rather lose a girl and move on to one you like and who likes you back, than waste your time with a girl who isn’t going to go any further with you?

What James888 is doing here is looking at his situation from a scarcity standpoint.  He said himself he doesn’t meet many girls, so the ones he does hang out with are very important to him.  This is a BAD frame to be in.  You need to come from a place of ABUNDANCE if you hope to get anywhere with women.  The whole “Take it or leave it” attitude is a powerful one that can save you from a lot of heartbreak in the end.

Seriously — James888 really needs to read The Art Of Approaching!  He’d have his problem solved in minutes!

But more than having an “abundancy mindset,” is the ability to escalate according to the situation.

Some girls are ready to move faster than others, but in James’ case, he’s moving at a SNAILS pace because he’s afraid to take it any farther than he is comfortable with.

Look–when it comes to escalating into physical stuff with women, it’s a question of what THEY are comfortable with, not what YOU are comfortable with.  A girl could be perfectly ready and willing to make out with you, while you are still feeling scared and uncomfortable.

You have to learn to recognize the SIGNS that the girl is attracted to you, and then you have to be willing to build on that, and continue to be aggressive in doing so.  When you do this right, you will NEVER lose your girl.  Girls are lost when you make a move they are not ready for, and they become defensive.  This happens ONLY when you ignore the signs she gives you and focus too much on your own feelings (trust me, it’s just as bad to not make a move when you should as it is to make a move when you shouldn’t!)

That’s why learning the attraction signals of a woman, and how to read her body language, is so important.