Fear Of Approaching Women

A student from Germany sent in this question…

Hi! I think biggest fear what men have (including me) is doing cold approach (bars,clubs,coffee shops). Is there some “trick” or something that you can get over that fear of approaching women?

I have noticed now that when your inner game is fixed and you can be ok with yourself, people stare at you, like you are a celebrity or famous rockstar. I get these things where-ever I go….I think you have sexual power, confidence, high self-esteem, and high status etc. And you’re not needy. Keep up good work!

I’m right there with you.

It’s funny, because one of the questions I get asked all the time is: “When does the fear of approaching go away?”

And my answer is always – NEVER.

I’ve done thousands of approaches (my estimation, I have no physical statistics to back that up), and I get scared every single time I do them. Even big time Pick Up Artists I know still get nervous or whatever before they approach someone. Why is this? Because it’s hard to do! Cold approaches are about finding a way to invade someone’s reality and stay there, and it can be a daunting task – ESPECIALLY if there’s a desired outcome at stake.

But yes, my friend. There IS a “trick” to it.

Actually, there are several tricks. One trick is what I like to call the “Warm Up.” It’s a way to get you “socially lubricated” so it becomes easy to approach, and the way I do it completely by-passes any approach anxiety.

Another trick is called “repitition.” (original, I know) That’s basically where you do enough approaches that you find your “groove,” so it stops being scary. This only comes with experience (but if you do my bootcamp, it makes it very easy).

Another way is what I like to call “Crash & Burn,” where you purposefully do a few bad sets with the INTENTION of crashing and burning, just to get it out of your system, so you can then focus on succeeding. (That’s not what I would recommend to guys just starting out or who have self-esteem issues, but it’s a trick I’ve used before.)

But bar none, the best “Trick” I can think of os knowledge and preparation. If you know what to do, and you’re prepared to do it, you can pretty much do anything – no matter how scary it is. You just have to have the WILL to do it and the DESIRE to succeed. I describe my journey with the same fears and insecurities in The Art Of Approaching, and I created that course to help teach guys how to overcome these fears and never get rejected.