Overcoming Shyness

Here’s another question from a student here in California about his crippling shyness:

I’m painfully shy when I’m in social situations, so shy that sometimes people think I’m mad.  I have noticed that people even avoid talking to me because I make them feel uncomfortable around me, both guys and girls. I’m also too quiet that’s why nobody want to hang out with me. I’m too boring I guess.  Please Help!

Okay, so you know you’re shy, and you want to overcome your shyness, right?

WRONG!

Here’s the thing my friend:  You’re not really shy.  I don’t believe there is such a thing as “Shyness.”  That’s just a word we made up to hide the REAL problem, which is this:

You have trained yourself the WRONG WAY to interact with people.

It’s really as simple as that.  You never learned what it takes to meet and hang out with strangers.  You trained yourself to sit quietly, closed off from the world.  And what’s more, I bet your body language shows that.  I’m willing to bet you’re the type of guy who stands there with his arms crossed, and unconscious frown on his face because he wants to be a part of the party, but doesn’t know how.  That, combined with your isolationist tendencies, makes people think you’re mad, and avoid you.

But the REAL reason people avoid you is because when you do this, you give off NEGATIVE energy.  People want to be around positive things – like laughter, smiles, kisses, hugs, jokes, music, etc.

Not some dude with a frown on his face, standing around with his arms crossed, not talking to anyone.

Ever hear the old saying, you catch more flied with honey than you do with vinegar?  It’s TRUE!

So what’s the solution?  Well, it might not be an answer you want to hear.  You have to RE-TRAIN yourself about how you interact with other people.  That is the ONLY way I know of to change your current situation.

And you can re-train yourself in a number of ways.  But here’s the thing – I used to be JUST LIKE YOU!  I’d be the guy people would think was mad, or upset, or whatever, because I never talked to anyone.  And you know what?  IT SUCKED!  That’s why I started re-training myself.

In my book, The Art Of Approaching, I give you a complete blueprint you can use to actually go out and change how you interact with others.  It’s not hard, and it’s not scary.  You just have to be willing to do it.