Dating For Men Over 40

I found a pretty interesting (yet pattently depressing) article in the St. Paul Pioneer about men over 40 who are having trouble in the dating scene.

Nhia Tongchai Lee writes:
Second chances at love don’t come often when you hit your 40s.

That’s what many single men in that age group are finding out. Dating now has become a challenge compared with when they were in their 20s.

John Drysdale, 46, divorced in 2001. He says finding someone his age who is educated, single and ready to settle down is a rare thing.

“The demographics are definitely different,” says the southwest Minneapolis resident. “When I was in my 20s, everyone was single and in the same boat. Now, the majority of people I know in their 40s are all married, and here I am — single again.”

Going to bars to meet new people was out of the question for him. “I didn’t know where to go anymore,” he says. “Single people my age are not hanging out at the pub and social clubs. The availability is limited.”

Hate to break it to you, but dating is ALWAYS a challenge. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be a “game,” would it? But the number of men who are getting divorced or finding themselves suddenly single later on in life IS going up. The problem is, men over 40 are falling back on how they tried to get women when they were younger, and what works for younger guys isn’t always the best tactic for guys who are more mature.

For instance, club going. Going to clubs and bars to pick up chicks is a young man’s game. Not to say older guys can’t do it, but you have to pick the right scene. Go to a bar or club that caters to college students, you’re going to stick out like a sore thumb. But go to a bar that caters to the “happy hour” professional crowd, and that may be more your speed.

But personally, I hate the bar/club scene for picking up. It’s good for dates and going out on the town with a chick, but it’s a competitive and high-energy pick up environment, and guys who are out of the game for a while can find it difficult to go back into.

In the case of this article, the guy in question was looking for women “his age,” meaning over 40. Chances are, any woman at that age worth her salt probably has been married before and has some kids – and you can bet your ASS they’re not going to bars and clubs.

As far as I see it, there are really only 2 choices for men over 40 looking to get back in the dating game.

If they’re looking for women their own age, they MUST go online. That’s where most mature, single women who are too busy to go out congregate to look for Mr. Right. That’s not to say you can’t go out to certain events or venues and find these women, but this is the easiest route.

The second option is to go for YOUNGER women. Many women find older men more attractive, and if you can put up with the experience level difference, I’d suggest going for single women ranging from 26-33, and there are TONS of places you can go to find these women.

But remember: Old men can’t try to pick up women like guys in their 20s. Sure, the psychology of attraction is the same, but the methods are a bit different. So the first thing you got to do if you’re over 40 and looking for love, is to forget about everything you did when you were younger that worked, because it won’t all apply to you anymore. A lot of the personality/attitude stuff is the same, but you have to keep in mind who you’re going after, and where you now are in your life.

If you can do that, the rest should be easy.