Dating In your 30’s – A Male’s Perspective

Found a great article on Encore Online written by a 30 year old guy who points out the major differences in the dating game during this milestone.

Sean Snyder writes:
Things have certainly changed. I remember dates in my 20s to be a bit more lighthearted. Now my dates seem to have more of an agenda. I can see them with their notebooks, checking off criteria and measuring me as the evening goes on. They need to get going with their life and don’t have any time to play around.

The biological clock sets the parameters for our dates. As the years have dripped by, many more of my dates have children. Nothing I am opposed to, but it brings another notebook and added pressure.

I like smiles and laughter on a date. Now I feel the weight of these biological constraints. The humor is gone. I can see it in her eyes that if I am not the one for her then this date needs to end. She needs to find Mr. Right.

On first dates as a 30 year old, I get exasperation when I try to interject levity. I get looks of “Hey, you! I am trying to conduct an interview here to measure your worthiness. Stop joking around.”

Wow! I want to try and have a fun evening. When did this become an interview?

The rules of engagement have changed. I prepare for a date now like going for a job or mortgage. Career history, salary bracket, family genetics and personal background all play a part. I make sure to bring a current copy of my credit score and drug test with me. That doesn’t set the tone for a romantic evening.

Now when a date asks if I like children I know she is asking about her children. Children I have never met. Questions about my job stability and living situation are meant to determine if I am ready to settle down.

I get nostalgic for the 20-something dates I had. Nervousness back then was about being with the opposite sex not an interrogation of my worthiness as a potential life partner. There is no room for humor.

There’s a BIG reason for what this poor guy is experiencing.

As we get older, men’s stock goes up, and women’s stock goes down.  The older a woman gets, the more her looks go, and the less male attention she gets.  When women hit 30, it suddenly dawns on them – “Oh crap!  It’s getting harder to attract guys! I’m getting old, and my looks aren’t what they used to be!” (this is especially true if she’s pumped out a few kids.)

So these women get serious.  They are looking for a PROVIDER.  We’re talking husband material here, gentlement.  They want a guy who can care for them (and their rug rats, if they have ‘em), pay their bills, and give them a good lifestyle.  Things like “fun” aren’t as important at this stage of the game, especially when a woman knows her primo “snag-&-grab” time is almost up.

It sounds like this 30-something year old guy, Sean, who wrote the article, would be better of dating (dare I say it? *gasp*) YOUNGER women if what he wants is to have fun, carefree dates like he did in his youth.

To paraphrase Matthew McConaughay’s character in “Dazed and Confused,” — We Get Older, Women Stay The Same Age.

Meaning:  all 20 year old chicks will act like 20 year old chicks.  30 year old chicks will always act like 30 year old chicks.  And so on.

You can’t make a 30 year old woman act like a 20 year old. They’ve outgrown that.  (literally)  They have more experience, and different priorities.

This is why it’s important to KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.  Do you want a fun, young, party girl to have a fling with?  Or do you want a deep, serious relationship with the prospect of marriage?  Sure, you can have deep, serious relationships with younger women, but the idea of marriage might hit them the wrong way because there’s so much more for them to experience.  And you can also have a fun fling with a 30+ woman, but eventually, she’s going to wonder “where is this going?”

Speaking as a guy rapidly approaching 30 myself, I think the “sweet spot” for dating women is the 25-28 age range.  Here’s where you get just enough maturity, but still have some real fun.

And also, avoid SINGLE MOMS!  I’ve said this a million times.  Sure, there’s nothing wrong with them if you like kids.  But remember: their priority will be their kids, not their relationship with you.  So if you want that kind of “let’s go have fun and hump like rabbits” attention, go for women who are available to do so.