What Is Confidence?
Do you have confidence?
Are you sure? Because sometimes, its not so clear what confidence really is.
If you ask 12 different people “How do you define confidence,” you’ll most likely get 12 different answers.
Some people think being confident means you don’t care what other people think of you.
Some people think it means you can say whatever you want and never get embarrassed.
Others will tell you confidence means you’re not afraid to fail or make a fool of yourself.
I even interviewed a girl one time who thought that a guy was confident when he was able to COMPLETELY IGNORE her. (How that worked, exactly, I was never able to figure out. I mean, how’s a guy supposed to meet a girl if he just ignores her?)
But regardless of what others think it means to be confident, why should you care?
Well, if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my time discovering the best methods to meet and date women, it’s that if you’re not 100% clear about something, you will almost always fail to achieve it.
So if you don’t have a clear understanding of what it means for you to be confident, then chances are you’ll never TRULY be confident!
The reason for this is that your idea of what it means to be confident may change and fluctuate sporadically, and if you never took the time to figure out what it means for you to be confident, then you’ll never know the steps you have to take to achieve it.
So let’s be clear about what confidence is…
I define confidence as this:
Look, confidence comes from have some level of experience and mastery over a certain topic, subject, or action. When you first play a video game, you might not be very good at it, but after playing it for a while, you get better at it, don’t you?
Likewise, maybe when you first start a new job, you struggle with it. But as time goes on and you do it more, you get the hang of it, and eventually you might even be considered an “expert.”
The thing is, when you gain knowledge and experience, you eliminate all the uncertainty and unknown variables you had when you first began whatever task it is you’ve undertaken, and now you have SECURE knowledge of what it takes to do that task well.
Well, the problem when it comes to romance is, most guys never have enough experience with it to gain that level of comfort or mastery that will give you the confidence you need.
So many guys are “stuck” in that scary, uncertainty phase we all go through when we attempt something we’re not very good at yet.
Here’s the thing about confidence when it comes to women…
Experience will help you feel more confident. If you approach enough women, you’ll begin to spot patterns in behavior. You’ll know exactly what you have to do, how to respond to certain things, and how to behave. That just comes over time the more you do it.
But more than that, you need to have SELF-KNOWLEDGE if you want to be truly confident around pretty girls.
It’s this Self-Knowledge which will give you the confidence to overcome your anxiety over meeting women in the first place.
And all this means is: You must know yourself as well as you can!
Know your strengths and weaknesses. Know your hopes and fears. Know your best qualities as well as your worst qualities. And most of all, know what you want, and what you’re willing to do to get it!
The more you know about yourself, the easier it is to feel confident in any situation. You may not feel confident at a party because you don’t feel like you have anything interesting to say to people. BUT, you know you’re a good dancer, so you can dance and attract people to you on the dance-floor and get them talking to you first. So you know to start dancing early, instead of feeling awkward while mingling.
See how that works?
Confidence is probably the most important part of being able to meet and attract women successfully. But it’s not something that just magically “appears” out of nowhere. You must cultivate it like a garden.
Learn about yourself. Discover who you are. Allow yourself to uncover everything there is about YOU. And once you’re secure in your self-knowledge, no amount of rejection will hurt you.